At the Edge of Madness

I think I'm losing it.

No shit.

I really think I'm losing my fucking mind. I don't know if it's the waiting for editors to give me a yes or a no or the dreams of the blue world offered by heroin or the fact that I'm so goddamn stupid that I actually blog this shit and maybe editors read it and run away shaking their heads. Well, if it's the latter, fuck you, eds. I haven't done heroin in years. It's not my fault that I dream about it and can smell it every single fucking day. It's not my fault that I drown the craving in alcohol. As far as booze goes, what do you care? Ever heard of F. Scott Fitzgerald? He wrote the Great American Novel and was also a reknowned soaker. Whatever, it doesn't matter. Like I said, I think I'm losing my fucking mind.

I've talked about a worm eating my brain. Is that melodrama? Or am I telling the truth? Shit, I DON'T EVEN KNOW! Am I in love? Out of Love? Dying for something like it? I'm married to a woman that's more interested in Pokemon than me. Sex? What sex? Neither of us is hot for each other! Oh fuck it..."well I guess but I just don't know..."

Perhaps the whole thing is just a facade. We cling to one another in the hopes of finding that soulmate who will fulfill out every desire and then we live with that soulmate for awhile and then we get bored. And then we go on this fucking world wide web created by some evil fucking spider-gnome and find one another and we think "Holy Shit! I could love that person! That girl! That guy (if you're a girl) or (if you're gay) that...ugh...sorry gays...that shit just makes me sick. No offense, do what you want, but I have no love of anus.

I think what is true is that I love WRITING. I love spewing words on to the page. Unfortunately I become enamored with other...beauties...I remember as a kid I thought that my true love would come from--

Never mind. Why the fuck should I tell you? Got some Absinthe? I mean the real shit, not that fake, wormwoodless shit they sell in the states. Got some coke? Do I mean the soda? Got some smack? Do I mean the backhand, long-knuckle, already learned side?

"Well I guess, but I just don't know..."

Yeah, Lou Reed said that.

Live long, and Prosper.

Go fuck yourself.

Sexy bitches.