Should I give it away for free?
Hell no. Not the whole thing, anyway. I would, because I have a generous soul, but dammit, I need money. It's not that I'm greedy, no. It's just that while the better part of you were getting drunk and fat on holiday goodies I sat and ate a middling brain stew. How to do this, that, and the other thing? When will this and that happen? Waiting for the things, the lovely things that are soon to come my way, and the longer the wait the greater the weight. If this is true I wholly expect to be flattened by the advent prosperity. In the meantime, I am but a humble beggar begging not money but gainful employment. Due to this position I would be a fool to give away this precious piece of my soul for free. Perhaps later, when this position is no longer mine I may.
But I promise to give those of you who are good enough a tease. A little tickling of the bellybutton, eh? Something to get the saliva going (or other, less talked about fluids, heh heh) and the pockets burning. It is said that if you want to sell something you have to act like you don't care if it sells, but I've never been one to fake anything, not even orgasms, and I won't be starting now. I care if it sells. I don't care if you like it, but I care if it sells.
Ah, piss. Come on now. Don't get all tarty on me. It's not like I ever said I wasn't a complete and total bastard. I've always copped to my blackguard's heart. Before indulging your certain huffiness, know this--it is GOOD for a crime/horror writer to be a bastard. Being one, I know how they (we) tick. I also know most people want to know how they tick and more, what it feels like to be one. Everyone wants a bite of the forbidden fruit, and anyone who says they don't is worse than a bastard, they are a liar. They want to taste but in safety and without consequence. That's fine by me. In fact, I'm in an enormous hurry to give the people what they want. There's nothing I love more than satisfying the more carnal, meaty desires of others. That gleam in a person's eye when their darker needs have been met is far more euphoric than any drug. Trust me...I know. I have eaten the fruit and dealt with the consequences and overcome both and am well-qualified to provide that taste to quell craving, that scratch to the itch, and all without worry of any consequences because for only a few measly dollars you, the lovely reader, will be able to eat of the fruit all you want in the comfort of your own home and without ever having to lay eyes on this particular devil.
Even better, I guarantee you will not have purchased a lump of shit. Fiction, yes, but not a lie...never a lie.
I'll be dropping by sometime next week to drop these promised few thousand tiny, dancing spiders on you. In the interim make sure to watch out you do not drool but if you do, please collect it and send it to me at:
My Name
Lucifuge, GA 30752
Sleep well, kids.
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