'Beetus Burger with a side of Bypass Fries

I wrote this to Bruni a moment ago. You recall last week I spoke of him dying. I know many other diabetics who are killing themselves slowly, and not with cigarettes, booze, or drugs, but with fucking food.

"Seems to me diabetics are food junkies, with the same yen for food that other junkies have for poison. No one seems to realize that food is just as deadly. Just because there's not a commercial for it doesn't make it any less bad.

"CHEESEBURGERS ARE BULLIES.

"Wouldn't that make an excellent commercial? Catching a beat down from the Golden Arches? Mayor McCheese slipping himself like a velveteen lover into your palms? Or better, one of those "I'm dead now" commercials that have become so popular being that anyone who remembers Yul Brenner is dead, but for high-cholesterol foods. It's funny to me how media still thinks anyone gives a shit. People don't continue smoking or drinking or drugging or gorging just because they don't know it is bad. They do it because they know and don't give a fuck. I mean, YOLO man, YOLO."

Begs a question, doesn't it? Why isn't there a media frenzy over gluttony? It is perfectly fine to feed ourselves and our children 20,000 calorie EnormoBurgers with a side of Bypass Fries at McInsulin's or Fatfuck's House of High Blood Pressure. Come on down to Artery King and Die Your Way! Try the new bread-and cheese-block 600 cheeser at Greasies! Load yourself up on fatty shit until your sweat is thick enough to aid in baking cookies. Squeeze your arm note the lard the consistency of toothpaste oozing out of gaping pores. Uses: Baking, Frying, Masturbatory Lubricant. My child has pink lungs and a heart that looks like a Grade Q cut of steak, something with a count like 22/78 instead of the other way around. Adults who have never smoked a cigarette or touched a drink but still can't put their clothes on without panting like a hound on a hot summer's day. Certain foods do this to people, so why isn't there a scream happening? Where's the TRUTH commercial for this?


Indulgence causes disease. Decadence. Period. There's no difference between one set of indulgences or another. Drinking 60 glasses of water a day can kill you.


The next time you see a fat fuck proselytizing about the dangers of smoking or drinking, refer their gelatinous ass here. I've got some fun facts for them, and am preparing a course on ways around the 1800 calorie-a-day diabetic diet. It involves a FlexPen and four times the normal amount of insulin. And if you think that will kill a person outright, I've got a few folks I'd like you to meet. The point is nobody gives a fuck, which is fine with me, so can someone please tell the goddamn hippies in the media to get their stupid commercials off my prime time? Cable costs way too much to have my ears and eyes raped by images of people with half their faces cut off because they smoked cigarettes. I'd like to tell those fucks that my grandmother smoked four packs a day, drank like a sailor and ate bucketloads of pills and lived to be a ripe old and decent looking 86 years old. Put that in dredlock, hippie.


Until next time. Enjoy that sextuple cheeseburger, and don't forget to wash it down with whiskey and OC.