Why do I write this shit?

"If you intend to write as truthfully as you can, your days as a member of polite society are numbered."
                                                                                                        --Stephen King


Damn, is that the truth or what? Christ, I'm probably one of the most hated bastards on the internet and I don't even know how I ended up with such a glamorous title. Trolls and Reddits and Frackles are written off as shlubs, but ye gods, if I write something offensive...hold on to your hats! Here come the bastards, here they come! Why? What's the matter, am I getting to someone? If so, how? See, I don't know how. I write what comes to mind and if you've either impressed me or angered me you come to mind and end up in print. End of fucking story. Don't like it? Don't fucking read it.

I use a lot of expletives and taunts and perjoratives. SO? What, am I fucking E.L. James? Neither are we fucking or are we alike. WOW! Let's write a version of 120 DAYS OF SODOM but water it down like a cheap bartender's good scotch! And yes, I can say that, as I have read BOTH. Ye gods, it's terrifying, what is happening to the writing world. Dr. Thompson once declared that THE GREAT GATSBY had amazing economy, meaning, little words, much story. Now, it would probably be considered an epic. Fucking television.

One of these days I'm going to make it my life's mission to go on a crusade against television. Sorry to the gorgeous and talented April Telek, the girl from SUCKER PUNCH. And she is talented. Just look at her leather-covered breasts! They tell you everything you know about the television world. And she had the temerity to call me crude ("Holy shit you talk to actresses?" You may ask. Yes. Occasionally, I talk to actresses.) when the fact is that my crudeness pales in comparison to the money made off SUCKER PUNCH. Shit, Ms. Telek, how many fourteen year old boys do you think bought that movie imagining what your bare ass would feel like in their hands? Wondering what it would be like to bust a nut on your vagina? Wishing for a nip-slip? Welcome to the real world, honey. Damn, guys my age--a bit more sophisticated--are waiting for your sex tape. Welcome to Hollywood, babe.

Back to the first point. Why do I write this shit?

Because it's fun.

And also because I HAVE TO. Damn. This blog could be three sentences long. But what fun would that be? Kisses, darlings. Sleep tight. And if the bedbugs bite, don't sleep. Run the streets, prefereably naked.